dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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