You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
