I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
