The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
