Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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