worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
