It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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