Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
