Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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