areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So many bounce houses so little time
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
