I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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