I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
