It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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