I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
