I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
