have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So many bounce houses so little time
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
