Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
