We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
