Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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