Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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