so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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