I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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