So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
