phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
