It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
