The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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