I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
