if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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