Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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