Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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