I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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