Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
be right there i have to get my cape
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
