I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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