He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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