I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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