4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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