she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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