Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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