forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
