Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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