Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize