Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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