1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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