mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
