Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize