At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
