just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
