he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
someone owes me an orgasm
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
