whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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