I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
