Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
