I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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