I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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