My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
