Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
