Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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