I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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