some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
