areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
