would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize