the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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