You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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