Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just want nice things and good sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
