Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
