yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize