I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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