oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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