I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
