lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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