Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
