We won't sleep together?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
