I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
