yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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