I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
