my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
zippers are such a cool invention
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
