It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're my little dorito
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
