True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
