i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He did a backflip because drugs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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