My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
