drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
