i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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