Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
