i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
