I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
