So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
