my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize