brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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