We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
whose parrot is this?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
