yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you never un-have a 4some
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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