Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
