I think I won the penis lottery.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
