the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
