I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
