I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
