My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize