This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
