i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found puke in my bra..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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