i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
