What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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