We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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