i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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