Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
