allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
